Saturday, February 18, 2012

An open letter to my husbands mistress

I hate you.

That pretty much goes without saying, but some day's it makes me feel better to say it.

Today, happens to be one of those days. After crying myself to sleep last night I realized that what I really want, more then to see you hurting in the same way that you have hurt me, is closure. I want to be able to wake up and go about my day without thinking of you, and you with my husband.

I want to be able to watch a TV show or a movie, and not have something in it trigger a memory or questions that is still left unanswered. I want to be able to kiss my husband without sometimes feeling the overwhelming sense of nausea that I endure when the thought of you enters my mind.

The problem is, I don't know if you will ever be gone. When you made the choice to enter into a relationship with someone that you knew was married, you completely ruined my life, and my children's lives. I am forever changed, knowing that my life for a period of time, when I was living it was a lie. You took that life away from me.

The reason that I am writing this, is writing is the only way that I can process all of my feelings. I go through my day to day life hiding my feeling's from my husband and children, for many reasons. I can't be upset every minute of every day for one thing, and obviously my children don't need to know anything about this. It is something that I have to deal with and process on my own.

As for my husband, I am so angry sometimes, I find it hard to look at him. Other days I completely blame myself for not being enough for him. I know in the rational part of my brain, that I am not to blame for this, but when my emotions overwhelm me as they do all the time, I do think that.

I understand that what he did was wrong, and trust me, I will have posts that will go MUCH more into this, but for now, I keep finding little reminders that you were in my husbands life when it should have just been me.

Besides that fact that you flirted, kissed, and slept with my husband, you had the nerve to bring your kid into the situation. How the hell could you do that? What kind of a mother does that to a kid? And then you confront me and try to make me the bad guy? HA!!! I was not the whore sleeping with someone who was MARRIED!!!!

I hate you.

I hate that fact that you were part of my husbands life, I hate that you kissed him, I hate that you caused me so much pain.

I hope that someday you find someone that you love more than anything in the world, they way I love/d my husband, and I hope that some nasty, ugly whore comes and takes him from you and you can feel 1/10th of the pain that I continue to feel almost a year after all of this has happened.

I hate you.


  1. Honestly I felt the same way about my husband's mistress. I thought she was a whore and I hated every inch of her. I forgave my husband and we have an awesome marriage now. We lived so long in a bad marriage that when we tried to change things nothing ever helped. There was a brick wall between us with years of bricks that stacked up to create a wall that was just too hard to break down. It wasn't until he had an affair and moved out that things started to change. We opened up about everything. We laid it all out on the line and did this for a couple months. And each time we had a talk or spent time together it got better and better.
    I hate that he had an affair (which lasted months) BUT I think we needed something big to happen to help us break down that big wall. We turned something negative into something positive. So I forgave him. But I was living with this hate towards this other woman. It started to consume me. And I have always been a positive person but I found myself living each day with this hate and all these negative thoughts. I didn't want what they did to change who I was. I should be happy. And I realized that I was letting it change me. I have control over my thoughts... Not home or her. So I called her. And we talked briefly, and over the next few weeks we texted too. She apologized and we talked about how things happen for a reason that we understand later. Through our conversations I realized she was not a bad person. She did a bad thing as did my husband. They made mistakes. They were both in an unhappy marriage and chose to act on it in a bad way. But it didn't make them horrible people... It made them human, as humans make mistakes. So since I forgave my husband, I realized I could forgive her. And once I did I felt amazing. I was myself again! And I felt free and like I overcame a huge obstacle. So you know, she lives in another town and I never had to deal with her normal do I now. And she has her own family and us working on getting own marriage. So I could have lived my life hating this woman and making myself miserable BUT I chose to be happy. And it has made a world of difference in myself, my marriage and my life.

  2. How are your travelling 9 months down the track?
    Your post touched me deeply

  3. I could have written this letter, word for word. I still have a hard time dealing with my husbands lies and betrayal. I hope to one day be rid if the anger and hate, but right now it's what keeps me going, that and my children.

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